Arnold and Maria's Marriage on the Rocks

by John M. Curtis
(310) 204-8700

Copyright May 18, 2011
All Rights Reserved.                                         

             Announcing their separation May 9, former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and first lady Maria Shriver omitted certain details pushing one of the nation’s power couples into divorce court.  When their carefully constructed press release hit the media, it raised more questions than it answered, certainly not telling the real story that finally surfaced May 16:  Arnold had a secret affair and love child with his 50-year-old housekeeper Mildred Patricia “Patty” Baena.  Arnold’s son, now 14-years-of-age, apparently looks like a clone of the 63-year-old Austrian-born bodybuilder-actor-movie producer-turned governor.  “This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us,” said Arnold and Maria in a selectively worded press release.  “After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion and prayers, we came to this decision together,” obfuscating the real facts surrounding the couple’s choice to end their 25-year-old marriage.

            Both Arnold and Maria tried to pass off their break up as due to “lives-in-transition,” two mature adults in the process of changing jobs.  Maria, a former NBC broadcast journalist and Arnold, a former bodybuilder-actor-producer and California governor, simply transitioning to something different.  “As you know, transitions are not easy.  It’d love to get your advice on how you’ve handled transitions in your own life,” wrote Maria on her Twitter page, failing to reveal what finally surfaced like a nuclear submarine May 16:  Arnold’s affair and love child.  While it’s tempting to demonize Arnold, it takes two to tango, including what goes wrong with marriages leading one or both partners to stray from their vows.  Regardless of Arnold’s indiscretion, there’s more that breaks up marriages than single-incidents, no matter how embarrassing or humiliating.

        Arnold apologized profusely for his affair and love child, expressing a desire to continue working on the marriage.  “I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family.  I am truly sorry,” said Arnold in a textbook mea culpa.  Arnold made no excuses, accepting Maria’s “feelings of anger and disappointment” for his affair and love child.  Maria responded by saying, “I’ll try to rebuild our lives and heal,” not clear whether she’d turn the other cheek or whether she’d move to divorce.  Sexual infidelity was removed in 1970 as a grounds for divorce, since California instituted its new no-fault divorce law.  While no one knows for sure the extent of the couple’s problems, marital infidelity is no longer grounds for divorce.  Only “irreconcilable differences” remain a grounds for divorce in California.  If Maria can get over her hurt and humiliation, there’s a possibility of reconciliation.

            Busy professionals, like Arnold and Maria, often let commitments and extraneous events get in the way of intimacy.  While there’s no way of telling for sure what prompted Arnold’s infidelity, it’s possible the couple had drifted apart, leaving the vulnerability to an affair.  Getting involved with this housekeeper, Arnold tried to not go too far outside his marriage, keeping the affair as close to home as possible.  Had he picked someone outside the marriage, especially the many young women available to him in politics or the movie business, it would have threatened his lifestyle more directly.  Unlike Tiger Woods who flaunted his affairs in Las Vegas nightclubs, Arnold kept it discreet, not only to avoid detection but, more importantly, to keep his marriage intact.  Maria’s decision to break up her marriage over a 14-year-old affair may shortchange herself and her family.

            Tabloid journalism has gone off the rails reporting the salacious details surrounding Arnold’s affair.  While Arnold and Maria have asked for privacy, the nonstop coverage has continued unabated.  “I love my family till death do us apart, family,” tweeted Arnold’s 17-year-old son Patrick, saying he wished to change his surname to Shriver.   His 21-year-old sister Katherine tweeted, “this is definitely not easy but I appreciate your love and support,” showing the family swept into the tabloid vortex spinning out-of-control.  It doesn’t help the family’s stability when Maria buys the media narrative that any type of marital infidelity should be punished with divorce.  Instead of following the knee-jerk reaction, Maria and Arnold should quietly make their way to a therapist’s couch and figure out their best options.  Infidelity—no matter how painful—is no longer a grounds for divorce.

            Arnold and Maria need to take a deep breath away from the microphones and figure out what’s best for their family.  While hurt and angry, Maria needs to reassess in the big scheme of things that nature of Arnold’s indiscretion.  If every act of infidelity resulted in separation and divorce, the social fabric of American society would be in chaos.  If Arnold and Maria really have irreconcilable differences, then they should continue the separation and divorce process.  If they find that Arnold made a regrettable mistake for which he profusely apologized then the couple should consider marital therapy and possible reconciliation.  Letting the tabloids and gossip columns destroy their marriage would be a tragic mistake.  No marriage is perfect.  But before Maria tosses her marriage into the dumpster, she should consider the big picture, reassess the problem and decide what’s best for herself and her family.

John M. Curtis writes politically neutral commentary analyzing spin in national and global news.  He's editor of OnlineColumnist.com.and author of Dodging the Bullet and Operation Charisma.

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